The theme of letting go has been echoing in my space for the last couple of days. I’m on the brink of a really significant change in my life. When I think about making this change, I alternate between fear inducing anxiety and excitement over the possibility of a new adventure. Change is hard for me and I have been navigating this particular change for almost two years now.
Initially I was just tired; I felt stuck in the mental and emotional space I was in and couldn’t figure out how to get out. I realized I had a choice to make, I could stay there or I could be courageous and choose different. I wanted so desperately to choose different but it all felt so big and almost too much to wrap my head and heart around. I tried taking baby steps but that only made me feel more lost than ever. I had all this angst and I didn’t know how to navigate myself through it. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. I created this art journal page during that time. Everything just felt so chaotic and all I wanted was some peace.
Finally I decided to let the process unfold in its own time and space. I stopped trying to figure everything out and decided to just walk out the journey as it was laid out in front of me. I stopped forcing the change and instead let the change unfold naturally. I was on vacation when I finally let go of the need to figure everything out.
That was back in November and I’ve been slowly unraveling ever since. In the last month or so the unraveling has picked up speed. At the beginning of June I felt God call me to a 30-day fast. When I asked Him what He wanted from me during this time I heard Him say to let this be a time to hold space for the unraveling. I am three weeks into the fast and boy have I been unraveling. The details of my unraveling deserve a post all on its own so I will do that some time in the near future. No worries though, I’m not losing my mind just finding my heart again which is a really beautiful thing to experience.
As the next step of this journey into change gets closer I find myself wanting to hold on tight to the familiar. I don’t want to let go; I want to cling to what I know because the unknown is so scary. But I know that to have what I truly desire means letting go of what I have. It’s not easy but I believe it will be worth it. So this morning I am starting my day with a renewed commitment to hold loosely to the things and the people in my life. Hold loosely to this life in general because in a lot of ways I have settled for a less than existence up until now and I believe there is a different way I am meant to exist. A different way I am meant to engage God, live out my faith and be the best version of myself I am capable of being.
What about you? How are you at letting go and embracing change?