I was reading a blog post on Ann Voskamp’s blog yesterday that stirred my heart to consider where I am, currently, in my faith journey. Yesterday during my time with the Father, I came face-to-face with just how much of a hit my faith has taken over the last 12 – 18 months. I don’t think I fully realized just how much I had been shaken by the darkness of last year. But as I feel the Father nudging me into places of risk with Him, I find myself haltingly taking baby steps of faith. Rather than being able/willing to take the leaps of faith I should be taking at this stage in my Christian journey, I am taking baby steps with a heart that is trembling and with tears streaming down my face.
In the blog post, the author makes this statement:
If righteousness is a gift, then faith must be a gift as well.
Paul assures us, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” (Philippians 1:6). Since our faith is sparked by God, and he also sees it through to the end, then once again, he deserves all the praise.
She goes on to say:
In this verse, faith also has forward motion. We progress “from faith to faith” (YLT) as we “keep on believing” (WE). Day by day our righteousness grows, “both springing from faith and leading to faith” (AMP)…When we catch a glimpse of God at work in someone’s life, when a prayer is answered, when we experience his presence in worship, then our faith is strengthened, then our courage is bolstered, then our trust increases.
This post comforted my weary, doubt-filled heart. Faith is a gift. It is not something that I have to intercede for or something that I have to work harder to get more of. It is simply a gift given to me from the Father. As I take my halting baby steps of faith, He will give me the faith I need to believe. I just have to keep taking those baby steps. Each step moves me “from faith to faith”.
It reminds me of when I was a Physical Therapists working with rehab patients to train them how to walk again. The first few times I got them up in the parallel bars, they fussed at me because it was hard, really hard. Some yelled me, others cried because they didn’t think they could do it, it felt too daunting. But with each step down those parallel bars, their confidence grew, their ability to take the next step grew until one day they were able to walk on their own. It didn’t happen overnight and it took time but it DID happen.
My faith right now is like my former patients. I’m in those parallel bars and I’m fussing and I’m crying and I’m yelling because it feels too hard. The sense that I won’t make it hovers over me and it feels like only disappointment is waiting for me. I don’t trust enough….yet. Today my faith doesn’t feel much like a mountain moving kind of faith. It feels more like a tiniest grain of mustard seed but didn’t Jesus say something about faith like a mustard seed. My steps aren’t big giant leaps of faith right now but I believe each baby step is moving me forward toward an abandoned, unashamed, fully confident trust in the One who loves me and the One who above all is GOOD. Baby steps count and I’m going to keep taking those baby steps until I’m leaping with hinds feet on high places.